Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Little spoons don't ask big questions
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Randomize
