It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
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