turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Randomize
