I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
