she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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