I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Randomize
