my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
