at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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