I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
