I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Randomize
