Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
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