the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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