my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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