I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
