I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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