looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
