apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
They took my balls.
Well I just put wine in my tea
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
