the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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