So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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