Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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