I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
