my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
kristin has been a bad kristin
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
