I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
