i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
