I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
