If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Randomize
