My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
