using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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