Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
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