oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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