Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
my being single is dangerous.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Randomize
