I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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