This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
