No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
