Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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