I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
