is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
there is puke in my bra ... again
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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