it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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