Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Randomize
