How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
