Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
