U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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