I swear she didn't look like that last week.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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