Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
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