I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
