If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
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