Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
