I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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