I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Is Oprah even human
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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