I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Randomize
