But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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